The Mind of Mexx

The Quest: Week 3

2011-03-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

Survey says...

Weight: 193.8 lbs.

Bodyfat: 27.4%

Notes: This is undoubtedly the dreaded plateau I keep reading about. I haven't included my body measurements for this post as they probably haven't changed much. This week will be possibly the most challenging. Thanks to the girlfriend, I am now fighting your classic case of the sniffles, on top of the fact that most exercise routines fail around their third week. On several occasions I've found myself arguing against whatever reason I can come up to skip tomorrow. I've already decided to take it down a notch on the cardio each week, limiting the sessions between 3 and 4 per, which means I would be best advised to start exploring weight training and isometric options.

Isometric training involves keeping the body stationary to incur resistance on target muscle groups of the body. This is the cornerstone of Pilates which involves slow, controlled movements between poses that place tension on different areas of the body. Weight training benefits fat loss by stimulating the larger muscle groups, such as the back and legs, which in turn enact a "slow-burn" effect on the body. Long story short, as the muscle groups begin work to repair themselves, they utilize calories throughout the day in the process. Most sources I've read that advocate this method advise using moderate weight and high repetitions. I guess we'll see how it goes!

Overall it doesn't seem like I'm getting lighter, but I definitely feel healthier and energized. Its hard to tell if my appearance is changing any, but I feel like it is. My weight will only be so relative to a point, between reducing my bodyfat ratio and reclaiming some muscle mass. I guess time will tell. For those of you considering getting back in shape, psychologists agree that it takes three weeks to make or break a habit.

This week we'll find out who breaks first: my will, or the habit.

The Quest: Week 2

2011-03-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Weekly Stats:

Weight:192.6

Bodyfat: 27.5 (down from 28.3)

Chest: 42.5

Waist: 41.15

Biceps: 14.75

Comments:

No, this venture is not sponsored by Nintendo. It just happened to be the shirt I had on at the time of the first post, so it only made sense to stick with it for the sake of continuity.

The first thing of the top of my head would be mentioning the mental "plateau". Similar to its physical counterpart, the mental plateau I'm referring to is the barrier I always encountered about a week or two weeks into working out. It is usually much more subtle, beginning with the thought "Sure, I can skip a day or two. Yeah, I'll have some of that." This mentality lends itself to the risk of completely derailing previous efforts to lose weight or get fit. It begins with the idea that a little of this or that won't hurt, or that maybe skipping a day or looking for excuses to avoid the gym would be okay.

I encountered this circumstance today. Wednesdays are usually my rest days, but I decided a little more cardio wouldn't hurt. Yesterday I incorporated some weight training for the first time in this whole regiment and boy am I paying for it today. In terms of heart rate training, it doesn't do a lot- a single set of dumbbell curls would put me above 170 or so bpms for a few seconds, but that was it. Even then the exertion behaved more like spikes then an extended burn.

Livestrong.com has been a serious asset as well. Lyndsey turned me on to the idea of using the website's calorie tracker. Why not, I thought. Little did I know the utility was surprisingly addictive. It lets you track exactly how many calories you have consumed with a google-like search bar that has just about any food product or menu item you can think of. A few times I've even avoided eating something off the sheer fact that I was too lazy to track it! Hilarious.

Well, that's it for now. See everyone next week!

-Antonio

The Quest: Week 1

2011-03-07T09:16:00.000-08:00

May I present to you, exhibit A:

Profile
Name: Antonio Perez
Age: 22
Birthday: 5/31/1988

Stats: 3/7/2011
Height: 5' 7''
Weight: 194 lbs.
Chest: 43 in.
Waist: 41.25 in.
Biceps: 15.5 in.

Goals
-Get back into shape by the end of spring.
-Increase bicep size to 16 inches by the end of March.
-Wake up early one day and train before work.

Strategy
-Burn 1,500 calories per day (Note: 1 lb. of fat = ~3,500 calories).
-Workout twice daily, five days a week.
-Lose 10 lbs by the end of March.

Supplements
Hydroxycut by MuscleTech
Whey Protein (15 minutes after each workout)

Equipment
Planet Fitness Black Membership
Polar Heart Rate Monitor

Todays Progress
Workout Duration: 1 hour 32 minutes
Calories Burned: 930
Target Calories Burned: 750
Regiment:

12 minutes walking on treadmill
20 minutes running on treadmill
20 minutes eliptical
20 minutes cycling
20 minutes Kinect Your Shape

Notes
Overall, today felt pretty good. The Hydroxycut provided a nice energy boost and kept me in my target heart rate (140-150 bpm) with less effort. I'll be using lean meats like tuna and the whey protein to bulk up a little. I'll stay away from any of the serious stuff, like creatine, for a while. My primary goal this month is build up my cardio and some definition back. Around this time last year I weighed between 165-175 pounds, which means I'm carrying anywhere between 30 to 35 pounds of extra weight.

This was probably the hardest part for me... realizing how much I had let things go. I had neglected myself, making the still-fresh memories of how healthy and fit I was unbareable. Its like looking back and seeing this version of you that you remember always wanting to be, then realizing its in the past and you let it all go. I still remember what it was like growing up in a Catholic elementary school as the fat kid. I used to fantasize being the attractive, charasmatic one in the room. I guess the only edge I have now that I didn't back then was the knowledge of my capabilities. I know I can get there again, I've been there before.

Which leads me to my last point. I want to show you all what can happen with a little drive and know-how. I'll be updating my journey weekly, chronicling my successes and challenges throughout the entire experience. This is step one in taking back my life. This is step one in setting things right. If witnessing whatever changes that take place in my life might inspire one other person to make a positive difference in theirs, everything would be that much more worth it.

"Without sacrifice, we would have nothing."
-Brad Pitt, Fight Club

Home is where you make it.

2011-03-04T06:59:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I know I just posted something but I'm all hyped up on caffeine and I need to get something off of my chest.

A little while ago, I used to see this shrink. His name was Jim. Over the few sessions we had together, that man showed me more about myself than I have discovered with many people I've known all my life. Of course, his distinct advantage would have to be his degree in psychology, but I digress. One of the biggest things I learned about myself was how I compensated for things I didn't have.

Being the youngest of four had its perks. I learned most throughout my early development by observing the behaviors of my older siblings. How they talked, what they did, how they acted... nothing went unabsorbed. I learned to speak in full sentences and read when I was about one and a half, which I never really considered a feat until I was told so in my later adolescent years. I just always liked words and the power they had. You could either make or ruin someone's day via a kind or demeaning remark. I loved it. It didn't matter how big or mean you were, the influence of words never dulled.

So here's the other side of that coin. Growing up, my father openly favored me. Since the day I was born, I was treated different somehow. Now put yourself in my sibling's shoes. How would that make you feel? Everything's smiles and daisies when suddenly Mom's having another baby and boom, nothing's ever the same. Even if it was simple curiosity, this extra attention ended working against my favor. Slowly and irreparably, a rift began between myself and my siblings-- a rift that only got worst as time went by. A rift that, I'm sorry to report, is an entire chasm today.

Now let me paint the picture of who I was. In simple psychology, you'll always want something you can't have or don't get. Growing up, the approval of my family and their attention was all that mattered. Did I ever get it? Not in the slightest, but that didn't mean I was lacking my own means of occupying myself. At a very young age I learned that books were a fantastic escape to worlds I've never been to, as well as a great way to be and meet people I have never met. I didn't even have to leave my room! It didn't matter that I was the odd man out, books couldn't reject you. They only grabbed your hand and took you through an adventure without the risks of actually having one.

Fast-forward into my adult life. I spent my teen years developing deep friendships and eventually found myself in a sort of surrogate family. I was accepted and loved by people, sometimes just as rejected and damaged as I was. But nothing else mattered so long as we had each other. I'm blessed to have them in my life and I thank God for them each and every day. They were there for me when I stormed out of my father's house to live on my own for the first time. They were there for me when I got tossed out of that house too. If anything, I got good at being rejected. Made it into an art almost. Maybe that's why I started the Collegiate Gaming Society... to surround myself with people who approve and look up to me even. That's a win win right?

I don't know. All I know is the feeling I get when I watch new friendships develop between the students. The feeling that maybe I am here to be a part of something bigger than myself. Sometimes its overwhelming, being surrounded by people that expect me to always know what I'm doing. Its sometimes overwhelming when I have to behave as if I have all the answers when I don't. I don't consider it being artificial or insincere... its just what comes with the territory of being a leader.

I never got to be the big brother. I never got to be someone that brought something to the table, be it good advice or life experience. Maybe this is my shot to make a new home for others? Figuratively speaking. So regardless of how I compensated (past or present tense) for any affection I so desperately yearned for, my first hurdle is to find and create something in me that I'm satisfied with. I've always read that the greatest changes that can influence your life and other are the improvements you make in yourself. A lot of people don't get to make those changes because it involves admitting their shortcomings. But I believe we're here to reach our potential and pass along any wisdom we happen to come by along the way. Probably the closest to immortality we'll ever come. Anyway, objective #1: reconnect with a better sense of myself. In order to do this, I have to pay the prices and make the sacrifices necessary to improve this shell that is my physical form into something that better suits me. This is my first goal.

Wish me luck,

-antonio

New Beginnings

2011-03-03T21:09:00.001-08:00

I've been everywhere on the emotional spectrum in the past 24 hours, and my weekend hasn't even started yet. If I don't get these thoughts out, I'm going to lose it. I'm not that concerned with who is reading this at the moment, but before you continue you need to understand one thing: I am human. Human's bleed red, we are allowed to make mistakes. What matters is how we move on from those mistakes and how we stick to our decisions. Let's rewind the clock to to earlier this week.

There are a lot of things in my life I am unsatisfied with. I have the greatest friends, have a great job with a great firm, and have never been more involved between school and the nonprofit. Even as I'm writing this, I'm in the middle of helping with one of our fundraisers. But even with all of these blessings I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm still struggling to be happy. After breaking up with Lyndsey, several things have become apparent. One, nothing has improved yet. I have this pit in my stomach that I can only identify as regret and uncertainty, but generally I can't quite place it. My chest aches with that feeling you get right before you know you're about to get in really big trouble. The anxiety is just about at my threshold and I have nothing to look forward to. Yet despite all this emotional turmoil, despite the fact that I've done this to myself, I still cannot refute the simple truth that what happened was the right thing to do.

A really good friend of mine once gave me a piece of advice his grandfather had passed down to him a long time ago: No matter what is happening, in the end, it is still your life. Sometimes you have to be selfish.

But this time was different. I lost more than just a companion, I lost much more. I just hope they can forgive me. I never meant to hurt her, but staying would have only worsened the damage. All I can do now is hope it was worth it. I need to get back to the basics. Its time to work on me. Then and only then will I be able to come back to this place and know I'm ready for it. Then and only then can I come back to this place and know I deserve it. This is something I have to do for myself.

But it doesn't mean I have to do it by myself. From here on out, I will be devoting my foreseeable future to the rediscovering of what is important to me. The interests of this blog aren't to safe face, or for redemption, or for attention. Frankly, I don't give a damn what you think. I've already spent too much of my life pining for the approval of others. This is my life, this is my blog, and this is about me. I want to reconnect with the passion I used to have for living and writing, and the only person who can get it back is me.

So strap in because you're the audience. Especially you. Stick around, place your bets, then watch me take a leap of faith, or crash and burn in glorious flames. Either way, I hope someone discovers something about themselves. I don't exactly have a proven track record.

To new beginnings,

-antonio

My Suprise Birthday Party

2010-05-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

Saint and I had been looking forward to the BBQ for a few weeks at the time. About a year ago her and I had been invited to one over in Kensington Park with a bunch of her girlfriends from high school. It was fun, and I actually knew a few people surprisingly. We played some board games and 20 Questions, things were chill. This year I ended up getting more than I bargained for.

I knew something was up right off the bat when we pulled into Hines Park. Last year for my 21st I threw a little get together there at a gondola. Parked up right next to the same picnic area I was able to recall, on the jungle gym in front of us stand LowTower and Lady Ocelot smiling from ear to ear. "I was immediately confused, borderlining panic." doesn't even begin to describe it. I had know idea what they were doing here or what was going on until a large "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANTONIO" sign was spotted over by the picnic tables beneath the awning.

She went ALL out.

Awww shucks.

To this minute I have no idea how I should have reacted. I had no clue. I wanted to cry in gratitude, laugh at being fooled so well that all I could do was wander around a few paces with my hands on my head. Later I had found out Saint had spent the better part of three weeks planning the surprise birthday party. It makes me sad that not everyone has a friend like her. :-(

LowTower and my brosef playing some ladderball

Lady Ocelot (left) and the one and only Saint.

The girls and me. :)

The boyz.

To the times we'll never recall, with the friends we'll never forget!

Gamers for Giving, 2010

2010-05-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

Briarwood Mall- Ann Arbor, MI

Yesterday was the most fun I've had in a long time. From an operational standpoint, Zach Wigal had single handedly managed a multi-faceted staff of media and administrative volunteers to pull off yet another successful event: their annual Gamers for Giving fundraiser. Free gaming and raffle prizes were but a few of the many attractions this year.

More than 200 gamers were in attendance, both as competitors in their Halo 3 and Modern Warfare 2 tournaments as well as spectators to the ensuing shinanigans. Special industry guests included Totz, a Major League Gaming pro from the Halo 3 team Final Boss, and the Modern Warfare 2 pro gamer- HastrO.

Aside from the local gaming celebrities, it was great to see the good ol' GOF staff again, not to mention meet the new faces to the organization. Stefanie Shea and Elaine Beemer, of Fun for our Troops and Gaming4Others, respectively, were among the brand new additions beneath the Gamers Outreach cause. Over the past few months, all three organizations merged into one beneath the Gamers Outreach identity to focus their efforts and collaborate to make an even stronger impact as non profit charities. The Fun for Our Troops initiative is responsible for collecting video game donations to send to soldiers stationed overseas, while Gamine4Others handles online tournaments that use their proceeds to support philanthropic causes as well. Another honorable mention involves meeting Ben McDougal, founder of the social networking site Gathering of Gamers.

I'll add more photos and content as it becomes available.

-Mexx

Mixed feelings and the Competitive Gaming Industry

2010-04-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything here in a long time. Nothing huge in particular has prohibited me from doing such but more like a lot of little things. Lately I have been able to think of nothing else but my future and what gaming has to do with it. Fact: I want to run an organization that represents gaming as a medium to a better life. Fact: I want to shape a future that involves the invitation of others to get inspired and create a positive influence in their lives and in their communities. But what about me?

I drink. I curse. I am sexually active in ways your typical red-blooded American college student is expected to be. But what about that makes me a worthy leader? I used to think I could walk the line, be a cool dude with a strong vision of making a difference. What better way to differentiate myself from others with similar goals in an industry still floundering to gain shape?

Competitive gaming has been around for much longer than I even cared to research. The industry's roots extend all the way back to when I had barely touched my first controller. At this point I've given up trying to size up all the different leagues currently in operation. This is especially considering a few things I've learned from both experience and second-hand accounts of the culture of competitive gaming.

I watched the documentary FRAG the other night. For those who have never heard of it and are at least remotely interested in "professional" gaming, I'd highly recommend it. The film gets a little preachy here and there but overall the information is enlightening. One league in particular, known as the Cyberathlete Professional League (CPL), was placed under an interesting light. After realizing the world of pro gaming was so much bigger than I had originally thought I delved deeper, craving to understand the origin of the idea of gaming leagues. What I found was exciting and disappointing all at once.

The CPL had gained popularity as one of the first gaming leagues to be formed in tribute to the new up and coming "eSports" phenomenon. The league handed out massive cash prizes, promoted intelligently and had stapled its place in gaming history. But slowly the dynasty began to crumble. The league found itself at the mercy of event execution and planning complications, along with a steadily deteriorating reputation among the competitive gaming community. Apparently contractual stipulations (if you were documented speaking ill of the league, the league was no longer obligated to pay you any tournament money) and long periods of time between winning a tournament and actually getting the money. Gamers began losing confidence in the league, eventually leading up to the CPL's death in late 2008. But it doesn't end there.

In September of 2009 an announcement had been made declaring the repossession of the CPL's intellectual property by an affluent investment firm in United Arab Emerates. Buzz soon followed when talk began of events being planned with the intention of getting hosted in Shanghai. The Granddaddy of gaming leagues would soon be back to reclaim the throne, until this.

An absolute pimple on the ass of all that is ethical in business, the alleged CEO of the reviving CPL brand Scott Valencia had used the phrase "big business" to shield himself from taking responsibility in something as cut and dry as a business agreement. This of course is according to
the blog posted by one of the CPL's previous partners.

How hard could it really be? Live your word, keep your promises. Business should be as simple as that. Why go through all the angst and trouble of performing all this song and dance to appear one way and behave another? It has to be an exhausting existence. Its hard not to be discouraged, but some good advice comes to mind...

"A person of intelligence learns from their mistakes. A person of wisdom learns from the mistakes of others."

-Mexx

Mexx tries speed dating.

2010-02-04T15:41:00.001-08:00

The turnout was surprisingly well. About 70 people lined the tables around the Student Activities Office for the event right off the bat. Over by the actual office was a nice array of sweets and coffee, much to my own delight. In anticipation of the events about the occur I had chosen to bring a pen and notepad to accompany me on the journey.

I am sad to report a majority of the girls I spoke with were actually pretty normal. One of them smelled a little funny, but other than that the experience was pretty enjoyable. There was live entertainment (which barely anyone paid any attention to) but I'm sure they were rather talented.

Coming soon: the Noize final event review.

Toodles.

Get ready to bring the Noize.

2010-01-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

Noize Gaming Event: Jan 30th
Uploaded by briasdfasdf. - Discover more gaming videos.

The Countdown to Noize and a few kind words...

2010-01-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

Before I get into it, I'd like to share something with everyone.

Now I'm not sure about a lot of things. Will what I do matter in twenty years? Who will remember me the most when I'm gone? Will there be an afterlife? All these questions and more are often things that keep me awake at night amidst the howling of the wind at my window. Though regardless of how deeply I contemplate these things I'm not able to come around to their answers on my own. But at times, in those rarest of moments when life smiles a beam of hope and happiness in our direction, I'm reminded of why I do what I do.

Desperado, a very good friend of mine of whom I met through building Project Playhem, just blogged of current events in his life. In his writing he describes personal trials, his passion of gaming, and his journey to persue what he wants out of life:

"Enter Antonio, Mexican extraordinaire. This guy is a madman! He's a dreamer, he's a leader, he's an all-around cool guy and he's inspired me constantly. Defacto leader of the Schoolcraft college gaming society, he's a prominent figure of the 'Michigamers' movement. Antonio has shown me how achievable your dreams are as long as you have the drive. Even with that in mind though, my desire to hit the games hard still needed another push..."

I feel incredibly honored and grateful when hearing things like this. Its for these reasons and for people like Desperado blessing my life that if I died tomorrow, I'd feel alright with the path I've left behind me. Find what you love, don't forget to breathe, and most certainly don't forget to laugh. Modern science has failed to dispute that this may be the one shot we get on Earth. So dream big and leave behind a story to tell.

Anyways, down to business...

Noize Event Synopsis and FAQs

1) Noize is a free to attend, open to the public, gaming festival that is centered around celebrating the modern gaming culture. By being sponsored by some of the most unique gaming entities in the industry, such as the Kiaeneto Clothing Company and the nonprofit Gamers Outreach organization, Noize is a public declaration to the gaming culture today that we are many and that we are not silent.

2) The event will take place in the DiPonio Room, located in the VisTaTech Center on Saturday, January 30. Walk-in registration for the "teams of two" Halo 3 tournament begins at 9:30am and runs to 11:45am the day of the event. Doors open at 11:30am and the event kicks off at noon, ending at 9pm after the Kiaeneto fashion show.

3) Noize most particularly appeals to gamers of all ages in southeast Michigan, but is themed to appeal in a way that resonates with those unfamiliar with the gaming culture, or even that one exists. Through coordinating with various event supporters (performers and demonstrators), both on and off campus, Noize aims to immerse attendees in a high-energy, high-involvement atmosphere that is sure to remain a lasting experience for attendees. And its all FREE to attend!

4) Noize consists of several "Arenas" around the venue that represent the top five competitive gaming genres today: action, fighting, beat & rhythm, racing and sports. At each free-to-play Arena attendees will have a chance to win prizes (provided by event sponsors) based off of their performance. Event sponsors will also have tables positioned around the event where attendees can get free swag and information about the business who helped make Noize possible. Bottom line, there will always be something to do or see at Noize.

Also featured during the event:
- A big 32-team Halo 3 tournament (provided by Gamers Outreach). With a $500 cash prize (which may very in amount, pending participants) and trophies to top placers (provided by Great Lakes Trophies and Engraving), with a winner-takes-all format - a portion of the proceeds will go towards funding several of the nonprofit's initiatives. There is a $30 team entry fee for registration, professional competitive rules will be applied.

- A very special fashion show (DJ services by WildCard Productions), provided by the Kiaeneto clothing company. Kiaeneto has been a prominent brand label in the competitive gaming scene for years and wants to hit the mainstream exclusively at Noize. Breaking the stereotype of "geek threads" for gamers, Kiaeneto's approach to gaming apparel is that of style and individuality. The company has been working to build its image in a way to become the "Hurley" or "Volcom" of gaming.

- A live performance and demonstration by the Michigan Center for Capoeira. The MCC brings a new kind of game to attendees in the form of a martial arts inspired fighting style. Capoeira, an artform originating from Brazil, takes elements of acrobatics, martial arts and dancing into an all-in-one practice that requires mental and physical discipline. This group is sponsoring our Fighting Arena.

- Attendee-interactive demonstration(s) provided by the United States Marines (confirmed) and Army (tentative). Volunteers will be invited to try out various calisthenics as a fun group activity. The USMC and Army will be joint sponsoring our Action Arena.

- A live performance, as part of our event kick-off, by Schoolcraft's very own Dance Team. This student-group will also be showcased during the Kiaeneto fashion show and are sponsoring the Rhythm and Beat Arena.

-DJ services company WildCard Productions will provide live mixing to add that special event atmosphere, also performing for the Kiaeneto fashion show. Co-sponsoring the Beat and Rhythm Arena.

5) Again the event is FREE to attendees, $30 team entry fee for the 2-versus-2 Halo tournament competitors.

6) The event is organized to appeal for high-school and college students in the area, both gamers and non-gamers interested.

7) This event is the first of its kind and the product of the hard working student officers, members and volunteers of the Project Playhem Gaming Society.

And now, a little R&R with our friends at the Michigan Center for Capoeira.

Mexx finds amusement.

2010-01-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

Its probably against my best interest to detail an extraordinary amount of information of my life, but come on. If all I posted were uplifting entries of life and the universe I might as well be a hippie. Recently I've decided I need to illuminate the other facets of my personality on here so readers can get a better idea of who I am. Such things may include stories that might not make me seem like such a beacon of wisdom and maturity. I'll be honest, there are way too many things that make up who I am, but maybe this way I can provide a better idea of my personality and character. I like to look at the positive and funny side of life, but I've got plenty of vices believe me. Unless stated otherwise, pseudonyms and nicknames will be used in place of actual identities.

So let me tell you about this girl I know. Zee and I dated a while back when things ended somewhat messily, resulting in a few weeks of awkward moments and uncomfortable silences. We definitely clicked, neither of us deny it. But we didn't really know where to place each other in our lives, so instead we chose to pursue friendships and see how things work out. As of this moment, and in the foreseeable future, a relationship is not something I am considering as realistic. Between work, school, and finding my place in this world I just don't have the emotional terminals required to focus on what I need to do, all while attempting to satisfy the needs and wants of another. Having said this, I'm far from anti-relationships. I understand their function and appreciate how a relationship can help two people grow in this world, but its not something practical to me. An emotional connection with another poses way more problems than it does solutions at this point.

The following scene took place via Facebook chat. My buddy Romeo and I are hanging out, deciding how to spend our evening when I get this:

Zee

hi antonio perez : ]

Mexx

Hi [Z].

[Romeo] wants to know if you wanna come to the Ivory Room with us.

Its an 18 and up pool hall.

Zee

[Z] (reffering to herself in the third person) wants to know what the ivory room is

oh look you answered before i even asked

Mexx

... so is that a yes?

Zee

ummmm

it's a tempting offer

Zee

butt i'm calling it an early night tonight : ] and hanging out with [her sister]

...i gotta make you miss me sometimee

haha : ]

Mexx

it goes both ways cutie.

Zee

oh please

i miss you allllllll the time <3

Mexx

... nice save.

Zee

haha but [her sister] really really wants a night with me

i gotta give teh ppl what they want you know...

Mexx

Oh I definitely know how that goes.

Zee

ha ha ha

god i almost wanna go just to babysit you

Mexx

BABYSIT

You mean guard your "territory"?

Zee

yea actually lol

glad you read into that

Mexx

...

Zee

just pleaseeeeee don't do anything that will make me hate you

Mexx

Oh c'mon now.

How exciting would I be if I could guarantee that?

Zee

you think i look like a victoria secret model

how many of those could you possibly score?

don't screw this up mr :]

Mexx

... what by answering that question honestly?

Zee

Mexx

Your uncertainty is invigorating.

Zee

so glad

Mexx

Hahahaha

Me TOO!

Zee

oh how the tables have turned

Mexx

That's what they all say.

Zee

just for that i'm keeping your hat

Mexx

Awww man.

Wait which hat

This is [Z] (I emphasize her last name) right?

... so the black one?

Zee

i absolutely hate you.

Mexx

:-D

You know this convo is going on my blog, right?

Zee

GO FOR IT

So I did.

Oh what a night.

2010-01-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry Fitch, you knew it was coming.

The other night a friend of ours "Mouse" invited a few people over her place to hang out and have a few drinks. Tagging along with my buddies "Romeo", his friend "Juice" and my ex-girlfriend "Z" we decided to head out at about 8pm to Walled Lake. Its about a 15-20 minute drive from Livonia, so we figured we'd get there fashionably late.

Of course, unbeknown to most of us, the ruling law of the night would prove to belong to Murphy himself. About three-quarter ways there Mouse decides to relay the message through our other friend Fitch, who calls us as none of us appear to have Mouse's number. Mouse said she was going to be running about 15 minutes late and that we would probably beat her there.

Well shucks.

About ten minutes later after the update the three of us, accompanied by Fitch find ourselves standing at her front door - in the cold - with a case of Molson Canadian Horse Urine in possession. Props to Romeo and Juice, by the way. The last time I had a bottle of Molson I was actually in Canada. Coincidentally I haven't returned to America's Trucker Cap since.

After weighing our options I realized I had no desire to sit in anyone's car and wait. After a quick scan of our surroundings I noticed a second floor balcony just above us that seemed to be attached to Mouse's condo. Supporting the balcony was a wall that seemed climbable enough and who knows, maybe the sliding door leading inside might be unlocked. While the rest of the group discussed potential courses of actions Romeo voiced my wandering thoughts and joked about climbing the wall for a little B&E.

So I did.

At first I imagined wandering into the wrong place and the consequences of my actions. My imagination began wandering away with me as I chickened out at first. But after a few reassuring shouts from Fitch below, who described the room inside as he had been over before, I promptly completed the Breaking then Entered to let the rest of the guys in. Now this might seem like a bad idea at first, though the only reason we were dumbly standing outside in the first place were under the slim chances Mouse left her door unlocked. She explained this over the phone on our way over and permitted us to go inside if this was the case.

Eventually the hostess arrived and the night began. Beers were chugged, shots were tossed, and Sega Genesis games were played with nostolgic delight. About 20 minutes into the swing of things someone discovered the family pet tarantula, then it was all down hill from there.

I didn't pay much mind to the spider's presence when first announced, but I was far from ready with what soon transpired. At some point, Romeo decided it would be a good idea to take the damn things out of its cage with aid of a spatula from the kitchen. The resulting moments later were inevitable.

At this point in time I was fixated on the TV patiently waiting for my turn. Fitch had chosen to fire up Streets of Rage 2, a Sega Genesis classic, when much to my horror I became immediately aware of two things:

1) The look on Romeo's face as he snuck up behind Fitch.
2) The tarantula was no longer occupying its intended residence.

I well remember Fitch's immediate reaction until the day I die. Probably in response to the sudden displacement of the back of his sweater as the spider clung on for dear life, Fitch's body became instantly rigid in terror. The first words to escape his mouth?

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

Its odd, the immediate rearrangement of one's priorities when mounted by a large arachnid. Standing up in a hastened yet controlled manner, Fitch relatively kept his cool. Though Romeo couldn't wipe the smile off his face, and the rest of the room was rolling on the floor in laughter, he apparently realized what he had just done and proceeded in attempting to remove the tarantula from Fitch who is now bunny-hopping around the front room. This proved unsuccessful.

Freeze frame: the spider is inching closer and closer with each jerk towards the back of Fitch's neck. At this point I had to look away. Eventually the creature was dislodged and placed back into its sanctuary to contemplate its recent emotional trauma. Fitch was doing the same.

I'm not sure if I have ever laughed so hard at the expense of someone else.

Survey says...

2010-01-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

The wait was probably the worst part of it all. As it turns out the type of assistance I needed as I sat there in the Counseling Office required the attention of an actual "counselor" and not just an "advisor". This subtle difference resulted in the hour and a half long disintegration of my posture in the small chair at which I sat, nodding off several times to a whole-body jerk back to consciousness. This scene replayed itself for the entire duration in 25 minute intervals.

For some reason I just could not fall asleep last night.

A few times I sort of drifted into a half-awake, half-asleep deluge of flooded images and several second mental snippets of what it would be like in the military. Just images of taking cover behind parked cars and returning fire with an M16. When I snapped out of that one I realized my shoulder was jerking in anticipation of the recoil from the burst-fire weapon I wasn't holding. I don't remember falling asleep after that before I woke up this morning.

This morning started off rather promising. Saint stopped by to wake me up and accompany her to the gym. After the restless night prior, I agreed a good workout was in order and boy was I right. Saint and I have been through quite a few doozies in our personal relationship. We've been friends for almost two years now, which for me is an accomplishment. I'm an easy enough guy to get to know but when it comes to trusting someone and letting them into my weird little world... there are complications.

We even attempted a relationship once, with all but the best of intentions. Sadly (and it was all me, as it is often said) a relationship was not the proper place to position each other in our lives. We're very good friends and I'm blessed to say that. I'm beyond grateful to have people like her in my life. With this in mind we find ourselves trying to return our friendship to normalcy, or at least as close to it as can be.

The workout was everything I needed. Ran a mile (10 minutes, ugh) did upper body and abs... a nice light morning to start off the day so why not. I get to school to do some work in the office for Noize, got the United States Marines recruitment staff on board to donate their time (which is sweet). Between faxes though, I couldn't help but glance at the clock. After stopping by the counseling center I had filled out my worksheet thingy and got my place in line... estimated time of wait: 2 hours, according the secretary. So why not, I go back to the office and work for about the duration and return obediently. I find the original time given to me was grossly misunderestimated, which returns us to the described scene beginning this post.

They finally call my name. I follow the counseling lady deeper into the darker bowels of the center to her office. I greet her politely, take a deep breath, and explain I was there to check my academic status.

Guess who not only passed all their classes but actually did well AND has two thumbs?

This guy.

Cheers.

The Month of Noize approaches.

2009-12-30T14:55:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, Noize is approaching quick and things are getting pretty exciting. This past Monday myself and some good buddies, Brian and Leo from the Video Production Club, paid a visit to our friends over at the Michigan Center for Capoeira in Farmington. A huge thanks goes to Baz Michaeli for inviting us out to witness the amazing art known as Capoeira. My favorite thing about this style of martial arts is that it isn't exactly martial arts in the sense that there is fighting - the whole thing is a game. Originating in Brazil, Capoeira combines various elements such as acrobatics, music and dance into a one-on-one sport that requires peak athletics and steely nerves to perform. The meeting we so happened to attend turned out to be a particularly special one. Under normal circumstances the group meets several times a week to practice and learn new moves, as well as some education on the culture of the art form and the Puerto Rican language the moves are named by.

Called a "roda" (pronounced 'Hoe-da', heavy H) the MCFC was celebrating the end of the year in classic Capoeira fashion by forming a circle and, complete with bongos and authentic string instruments, playing Capoeira in pairs. The resulting demonstration was similar to sparring in your typical martial arts fashion, though (most of) the strikes weren't thrown to actually connect. The display was no short of incredible and, a few near-kicks to the head later, we got our footage.

These guys take gaming to entirely new heights each day they meet, and many of them haven't been practicing for more than a few months. I mean just watching these guys made me want to step back and try out a few moves! The whole thing was beyond cool and I'm very excited and privaledged to have them come out for Noize.

Drawing ever closer, the Month of Noize is nigh.

We build then we break.

2009-12-25T01:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas is always an interesting time. Today I was heralded by a cousin I hadn't seen in years as to how different I looked and how much I had grown up. I know the statement was an intended compliment, but at 21 I shudder to think how immature I was when I was 16. But she is well, as are her children, so I couldn't really ask for more blessings in family than I already have. Christmas sweaters were worn, food was devoured, and completely inappropriate jokes were told at full volume.

Everyone has "that" uncle but I love the hell outta mine.

Before I head to bed I just wanted to share a few thoughts on here. If you haven't heard of the author Dan Brown you need to log off, get in your car, and visit your nearest library or bookstore. The author of the controversial "Da Vinci Code" and the novel-made-recent-movie "Angels and Demons" is incredibly visceral and possibly the most talented suspense novel writer still breathing. The latter novel, I'm grateful I read the book before I actually saw the movie. It allowed me a somewhat privaledged awareness of the storyline, which helped me keep up with the adapted film (which strays considerably from the book).

In the book the organization known as CERN, a European complex used for advanced particle research, is mentioned several times. Housed 100 meters below ground lies the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest particle accelerator with a 20-something kilometer circumfrance that relays hydrogen particles up to 97% the speed of light. Using this massive and I mean MASSIVE machine, the international scientists working there collide molecules together in hopes of discovering the origins of the universe by studying the energies released during the event.

What exactly does all of this mean? Hell if I know.

But the main thing that astounds me about these guys are what they do on a daily basis. For those who don't know, these guys are literally the people responsible for inventing the internet. I'm serious. They originally used massive networked databases to store and analyze all of the data retreived from the extensive arrays of instruments and sensors used to record the events. That data would then be distributed across the country, and then globally. Once they realized the potential of the application they dubbed it the World Wide Web. Soon afterwards, in an act that truly displayed the organization's spirit, they released a statement saying that no one owned the World Wide Web. They literally gave it away for everyone to use for free. Its this kind of spirit in an organization that is no short of inspiring. They probably could have become inimaginably wealthy if they had decided to patent the technology, but they didn't. Instead they took their invention and made it into a gift for mankind.

But here's the philisophical analogy that occured to me, and the topic is under personal growth. Often in such conversations I explain my beliefs that a person wishing to better themselves needs to look no else but within. We have everything we need to construct our characters as we see fit, regardless of our current circumstances. Now consider the Earth as the mind. In the same ways the CERN scientists were able to take raw materials such as steel and glass and turn them into an instrument for pushing the very frontiers of human knowledge, each person has the raw intellectual materials to look inside themselves and measure who they are and who they want to be. No meteor landed somehere on the planet with some strange new ore that allowed the scientists to do what they wanted to do. They took the knowledge written before them and applied it with modern techniques to perform miraculous experiments in hopes of one day understanding where we came from.

This is part of that urge to stop gathering information from the outside and to start gathering it from within. We've only got this one shot, this one body, and this one mind of ours to change this world for the better. I think our children deserve at least that much. Take a moment out of each day and use it to reflect on your emotions and what you want out of life. This way we become responsible for our actions and accountable to those in our lives.

Much love and blessings.

There are no ordinary moments.

2009-11-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

Based on the book by Dan Millman, this movie happens to be my favorite film of all time. However in this particular entry I was aiming more to avoid mental stagnation than provide a movie review. I'm kind of burned out between work, school and promoting Noize so I'd much rather spend these few minutes I'm compelled to write saying something worth it.

There are three rules to life. These are not my rules, they do not belong to me, but I do believe them deeply in such a manner that I try to think about them in every waking moment. The first rule is that of the Paradox - life is a mystery, don't waste time trying to figure it out. I mean, right there is something I practically do every day. Each minute I spend trying to fulfill my obligations and anticipate the meanings behind every bit of unhappiness or setback, yet it never bring me any closer to answering the question "why am I here?". Is it to make money? No, at least I hope not. Sure money is necessary to make any changes or to build something from nothing, but let's be realistic. Somewhere in this universe there is a number, and with that number lies the very days each of us have left on this planet. It could be a big number, it could be smaller than we might expect. But nonetheless, we walk this Earth in hopes of acquiring something that doesn't really exist. I mean what IS money? Try to describe it to someone, heck even yourself. However you spin it, money simply is the physical manifestation of time we have spent towards obtaining tangible things to do something, be someone or simply exist.

Can we take it with us when we die? No. Can we spend it to stick around for a little longer? Maybe. But in any event we have no means of understanding why we are here until we have come up with or have been given a purpose. I personally choose to exercise my own right to decide this, but sadly there might not be people around who are aware of the choice (if they even have one to begin with). But I digress, life is not something that should be spent in the pursuit of things or the recognition of doing something somebody else probably could have accomplished eventually. This lesson is something I have come to grips with recently and it is one that brings with it a particularly stinging amount of humility.

The second rule to life is humor - especially in one's self, as it is a strength beyond all measure. Laughing boosts the immune system, and if you're anything like me, being your own source of humor can come alot more naturally than you'd think. I say this because if you were to go back in time and ask me where I might be in the future, I doubt I would tell you I would be anyone who takes himself too seriously. Yet as I reflect upon things as they are now it is difficult to see where I went astray. I want to be involved with business, yes. But this is a decision based off of my strengths but not necessarily my potential. Just look at me. This is all coming from a guy who spent time to carve out a nice little place in the internet where he could rant off the top of his head in hopes that eventually something valid would arise. I'm not perfect, no one is. But even I can look back at how lost and stressed out I have been as of late and appreciate how silly life can be in its own twisted little ways. Faith in my friends and God is the only real thing I have and yet its not even something that I can touch or taste or smell. Having faith that no matter what happens, each of us is equipped with all the tools we need to handle whatever life throws our way is the source of finding humor in those dismal little moments. No matter what happens at any given moment we have everything we really need.

And finally, change- know that in life nothing stays the same. One of my favorite quotes I have ever read in a book comes from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglass Adams. Now without butchering it, the idea revolved around what the universe was for and why we were here. According to the story, there was a popular galactic theory that if at any point somebody were to figure out what the meaning and purpose of the universe was, that it would instantly change and become something even stranger. The theory goes on to explain that in all probability this has already happened before. I feel like this perfectly illustrates the essence of life and change. We spend so much time and energy and emotion in getting what we want, that when and if we get exactly what we want... we still suffer. We still suffer because we know we can't keep it. Life is something so fluid, so terribly awesome in nature, that we have become the most advanced species in the animal kingdom by simply wondering its meaning. Our human cultures vary so widely, yet they still parallel in religion and ideology that there is more to our existences than experiencing our surroundings with such the limited array of our five senses.

I don't know where I will be in five years. I don't even know for sure if I will still be around and kicking in that period. But I know who I am and the person I want to be.

I suppose that's a start.

All the. Small things.

2009-11-03T17:10:00.000-08:00

This week was pretty fun.

Kimberly Kassner from Empowermind stopped by Schoolcraft today and gave an awesome presentation, courtesy of the Phi Theta Kappa honors society and Project Playhem Gaming Society. An incredibly passionate individual, Kimberly has taught thousands of students of all ages how to learn twice as much and retain it in half the time. A huge thanks goes out to everyone who was able to make it out. Currently, planning is underway to get Empowermind at Schoolcraft so be sure to check back as I'll have some special news for Schoolcraft students looking to beat the books.

Also coming up next week November 11 at 6pm, I'll be over at the Compuware Arena in Plymouth hosting an NHL '10 tourament with their very own OHL semi-pros: the Plymouth Whalers. Last time we had 8 lucky participants that got a chance to play with their favorite Whaler in a 2v2, single elimination tournament format. As you can tell, spots are extremely limited so if you want a shot, or know someone who might, let them know about the chance and check out their website for more details. (sponsored by Destiny Games)

Enough about business, things have been progressing nicely around here. Midterms are a little bit of a nightmare, but nothing other than the usual pain in the butt. Work at UPS has been slow on the other hand, allowing me to stay on top of my studies while working at the tasking pace of one day a week. I guess so long as I'm able to stay partially nourished, pay my cell bill and loan, what have I got to complain about? Nothing that's what.

I don't want to spoil anything for Noize, which is Schoolcraft's big interactive entertainment event coming up in January (hosted by Project Playhem Gaming Society), but I'm pretty excited to announce our local Dance and Break Dance clubs have expressed an interest in the event... A huge shout out to students Katerina Pavlovich and Conner Waldo, respectively, for their enthusiasm and consultation.

Going more personal still, it looks like good ol' Mexx is back on the market! I don't really have much else to comment on the circumstance other than the average "there's more fish in the sea". I can't express the depths of my gratitude to my closest friends Lucas, Bayta and Lowtower. I love you guys more than you know and my life continues to be easier with you guys in it. :)

God bless you all.

The Vision.

2009-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

The attendees lined out the door and around the building are cold, but excited. A few are bearing their trusty controllers still in hand as they wait to sign up for the tournament, either in comfort to steady their nerves or similar to a warrior's affection for his (or her) blade just before a battle.

The massive conference room looked much larger before the regular attendees showed up. The crowd is buzzing already. Not many people knew just what to expect here, but they are immediately glad they came. "Is it a convention," they wondered, "or is this just a Halo tournament?" The phrase "celebration of the gaming culture" can be heard hear and ther, peppered among the dialogue between one another. No one really knows what it means, but the idea is an interesting one.

Especially if its free to spectate.

Of course, to play in any tournament there's nearly always an entry fee... but what about these other companies here? There are tables and displays set up all around with products to sell and prizes to give away. There is even a schedule on the main projector display on the furthest wall, right above the main stage. On it are the times and names of the organizations presenting special demonstrations for spectators throughout the day. You're telling me there will be more to do than just stand around and watch? Perhaps this is what they meant by "a Major Interactive Entertainment event".

Suddenly the lights in the venue start to dim.

An ambient chorus fills the room. A sort of brass-techno sound that somehow suspends the curious nature of the event. A man's voice can be heard...

"Somewhere out there, in the vast emptyness of space..."

Its a song. 'Slam' by Pendulum they realize. The odd dialogue about rocking the planet through reaches a crescendo with the background music building up. At its peak, the techno-brass drops right into a deep urban bass that thumps within each chest cavity in the room.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to Noize."

The crowd goes wild.

On January 30th, 2010... get ready to bring the Noize. Check out projectplayhem.ning.com and sign up for more details and updates on what's going on and who's going to be there.

Into the swing of things.

2009-09-29T12:26:00.000-07:00

Usually at times like these the blogger will make some professional apology of how sorry he is for not having posted a new blog for some time. Not only did I just do this, but I'd like to add I'm probably not as sorry as one might think for several reasons:

1. I keep this thing for fun.
2. If I updated as frequently as a lot of bloggers out there, it would simply indicate the abundance of spare time I have.
3. I do not have an abundance of spare time.

My current routine:

I get to class, receive the homework, bring it home, finish the homework, read a few chapters, take some notes, grab a bite to eat, do some stretching, go to work, load packages, clock out, drive home, think about the day, take a shower, then collapse into bed where I drift into a typically dreamless sleep after contemplating my direction in life and where I want to be.

I feel pretty content with things in life right now. The students I trained and left in charge of Project Playhem have taken things in stride and then some. Inductions went smoothly this week with our new initiates under Project Playhem's new constitution "Articles of Positive Change". My role as an advisor of sorts is nearing the end of its necessity and the closest feeling I can describe what its like to see the club take on a life of its own is kinda of like having a baby. I'm here to help out with some office protocols and other such mundane tasks, but for the most part everyone has everything they need to grow the organization and I couldn't be more proud.

On Thursday I have a meeting with the Plymouth Whalers' marketing rep pertaining to the possibility of coordinating and running a NHL'10 tournament. I've already spoken with Ted from Destiny Games and he seems interested in being a part of the event so I'm excited to see what we can drum up. Nothing like work experience to throw onto the resume!

I've been meaning to blog about it for sometime now, but amongst my endeavors I have found myself in a relationship.

I know, right?

I couldn't really tell you what changed. Maybe that part of me was coming around so gradually that I was ready before I even knew it. Either way, I must have done something right to deserve such an amazing person to have in my life. She's probably blushing by now upon reading this so I'm not gonna cheapen it with words... but I'm really happy. :)

Next up, arranging the Empowermind presentation with Kimberly Kassner on November 3rd at Schoolcraft!

See you guys around.

On the Corner of 1st and Amistad

2009-09-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

The pew was as uncomfortable as I remembered it. After a weekend of up-North shinanigans I found myself in the last place I would have guessed I'd be: a church.

One of my closest friends had invited a bunch of us to her family's cottage in Osceola for a weekend getaway of beer, late night conversations around the campfire, and tubing. For those unaware of tubing, you're not a Michigander. It involves an inner tube, much like the ones many people slide down snowy hills in the winter, except you're riding the thing and holding on for dear life while skipping along the water's surface with the help of a speedboat going about 30 mph.

The weekend progressed nicely. There was bonding, heart-to-hearts and alot of talk of good times past. This was before the school year had begun and exactly what everyone needed to unwind. Little did I know what was in store for me aside from the sunbathing and alcohol when I was invited to join the family for Mass. Casually agreeing, we were on our way to this quaint little church down the road in the middle of a pasture. Walking up to the entrance the flashbacks triggered immediately.

I'm 5 years old again. The little dress suit my parents made me wear was stifling but I always loved that red clip-on bowtie. It made me feel like a grown-up. Making the trip as a family every Sunday morning, I was raised a Catholic before my parents got divorced when I was about 13. The next time I was in a church after that was for my Grandfather's funeral about three years later. I think the culture-shock of coming from a Catholic elementary school then entering into the public school system had something to do with my attention drifting away from my faith. I went from wearing uniforms to dressing myself, structured lesson plans to B lunch and third hours. "Overwhelmed" doesn't even begin to describe it.

High school had an interesting effect on me early on. Up to that point in my life I spent my time among the company of fictional characters from books and my own overactive imagination. As the youngest of four I wasn't really blessed in terms of athleticism, so I ended up defining myself intellectually to identify my place among my siblings. But when surrounded by a thousand strangers with nothing in my social arsenal but my backpack and a smile, you have to learn how to adapt quickly.

Sex... drugs... misdemeanor offenses... the culture of the student body I developed in was barely contained by the exasperated administration and faculty. The easiest way to impress anybody was to pick a fight or crack a joke at the expense of someone weaker, as this was a common occurrence. Even today I'll slip back into that former self whenever I'm feeling a little vulnerable, just to compensate. Being popular became an addiction and gaining any personal awareness came to a screeching halt. I had officially lost myself in "the game".

But that was years ago. I like to think what happens in someone's life is up to the person. They can either choose to either define it by finding a meaning or assigning a purpose, or be defined by submitting to the role of a victim. What I went through has a lot to do with who I am. Before, people used to scare the shit out of me. I never knew what they wanted or how to deal with them. Now I've made it my life's focus to understand the person in a group and to use that knowledge best in how to make a positive influence in what I do.

Sitting in that pew was nearly overwhelming. I can't describe the feeling, even now. It was sorta like... it was sort of like this:

Of the many things I used to pride myself with having, logic and rationality were first and foremost. Almost to the point of arrogance, I thought I had it all figured out. Heaven, hell... no concern of mine. I knew that good things came to people who did good, and bad things happened when you acted selfishly. It was a simple worldview. Social Darwinism. But in craving an understanding in everything around me, I found it began to suck away a little bit of that wonder in life, and along with it my innocence. Until sunrises were just light waves and frequencies and rain was just precipitating H20, I mean really it was that bad. But in all this knowledge, I lacked wisdom. I lacked the "doing" and settled for "knowing". Then all at once, in a place that made the least sense to me, in that church I found myself drowning in nostalgia... I felt safe.

In this messed up, dog-eat-dog, spinning out of control world... within those four walls I felt peace. I can't describe it, I can't explain it. But in that point in time I realized why spirituality is so important in a person. Giving yourself a purpose just isn't good enough, and doing good for the sake of doing good only strokes the ego. Having faith in a power higher than yourself removes all those jittery emotions, all that fear, and replaces it with a humility. It puts all those self-serving endeavors under a microscope and exposes them to you as what they really are.

There's still not a lot about God I understand, but right now... I'm okay with that because I know that's not why I'm here. We're not here to make a choice... free will is an illusion. We're here to understand the choices we make. Every day is a gift, every suffering just a challenge.

Life's a game.

Good thing I'm a gamer.

^_^

a moment of reflection

2009-09-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't written anything in more than a week and I'm beginning to suffer from withdrawal symptoms. I hadn't anticipated this effect but am glad to recognize these symptoms as a sign post to changing habits of mine.

I want to go into a long tyrade about how much different school feels, but I fear looking directly at it will lessen the magic much like a mirage. I'm sure switching my course of study to business administration has something to do with my sudden surge in mental endurance, but I can't really place it. For once I feel calm, eager even. I just want to get right into every project that I've got on the table its almost overwhelming. Sure I have moments of doubt every now and then. Everyone does, its part of being human.

The biggest flaw I've had to overcome recently is placing trust in those I haven't really known for too long. Alot of what I do requires it, so I guess its just a part of getting used to new kinds of responsibility. I couldn't be more proud of our new officers at Project Playhem and no - I can't say that enough. After they completed the application and interviews, it was right to work. Every expectation I had was shattered and I can't wait to see what they're really capable of. Our members this semester are incredibly fortunate to be lead by such a motivated group.

But back to the projects on my plate, Noize is slowly taking shape. I can't go into detail but I can say I'm excited to iron out the last few details of its marketing strategy. I don't think Schoolcraft College has seen anything like it, nevermind any university out there. The next couple of weeks are definitely going to be the most crucial in the planning process, but I've got alot of faith.

... and I mean alot. :-)

Do you have anymore GUM?

2009-08-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

Walking into my accounting class at a brisk 20 minutes late, I was off to a strong start. Apparently hitting the "snooze" function on my alarm yeilds results unique only to mornings I really need to be up and about. Displeased with my insolence, my phone decided that by "snooze" I meant "off" on this particular morning.

Before Wednesday, I had been operating without the knowledge that Father Time happened to be on Schoolcraft's payroll. I mean this of course only to remark on my professor's evident experience in his field, rather than to be mean. Though it did get rather tiresome trying to ignore the deafening lack of sound in the room to hear him. This mutant power mesmerized me with his ability to actually speak quieter than silence.

Roughly a year later I realized two things at once: the rest of the class moving in unison to exit the classrom, and the fact that I had managed to pick my nose for the last 5 minutes without realizing it. Gathering my things together I made off for the Student Activities Center where a few nice surpises awaited me.

After I had settled in to the ever familiar office to Project Playhem, a great friend of mine Desperado swung by, to which he was greeted via enthusiastic huddle consisting of the guys and myself. After a classic movie-moment reunion he explained a few things. Turns out he had decided to work at Schoolcraft as a chef's assistant and was taking a few more classes instead of shipping off to EMU.

This semester's shaping up to be an epic one, indeed.

In my Advertising class I have Susan Ontko who also happened to teach the small business management course I took last semester. The reason I mention her by name is no short of a testimony to how enthusiastic of a teacher and understanding of a person she is. Any business student from Schoolcraft would be lucky to have her in their curriculum, and I mean it. Other than my professor, the class offered a few other welcome surprises. During the period, as an introductive tactic, we were assigned to interview a person sitting nearby and introduce them to the rest of the class. Turns out we had a few stealth gamers like myself among us, which is exciting.

Moving over to social studies, I have never thought it was possible to literally wing an entire course. My professor for this particular class seems to have the conciousness of a balloon and annoyed the living CRAP out of me. Is it just me or is it generally considered bad form among the academic community to deliver a lecture when chomping on gum? I couldn't stand it.

Finally, in Math there's this really cool chick I know, we'll call her Dutchess, I sit next to. Here's the interesting thing: her GPA could punch mine right in the face, but in the field of Math I seem to be somehow one up on her. I mean, sure I already took the class and bombed it but still... I'm not used to explaining things to people who are more academically savvy than I. Needless to say, I'm gonna be pissed if she manages to get a better grade in the end.

Overall things are looking pretty promising. I feel like I'm on the ball and I've got my GameFace. At this point I usally make some sort of public declaration of some sort of how I'm going to be triumphant in school this semester. I think I'll save it this time.

Just this once.

Good luck guys.

You say "nerd" like its a bad thing.

2009-08-24T22:50:00.000-07:00

My thoughts flock back to my childhood days in GC. I used to work at my school as a cafeteria jocky where I ran around the kitchen in the back and put together orders for a meager paycheck (minimum-wage) and free lunch everyday. It was a pretty good deal I guess. I never had to buy my own lunch and payday was always friday, which also happened to be the day of the week the local card shop Pandemonium hosted their Yu-Gi-Oh! tournaments. I don't think I'll ever forget those warm summer nights I'd spend riding my bike the whole mile across town to the shop. The street lamps were streaks of lights passing by as fleeting as a single care or worry. I mean I was only 14, the most difficult decisions I had to make involved when to pick my wedgie and which one of my friends I should fart on.

Those were the days I used to run Exodia like it was going out of style. I don't mean to brag, but I'm fairly certain I was among the first to mold the age of the "Beat-down" decks that were all the rage back in the day before cards started getting banned. Hell, I won the very first Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament hosted at Pandemonium with my Beat-Down Exodia combo, and had a nice several month winning streak before I was seduced to the underground world of Magic: The Gathering.

I almost regret, it honestly. I'll admit, after making the switch I had a minor chip on my shoulder for a little while. I felt like Magic was the "grown-up" trading card game at the time and that it was time to run with the big dogs. Only the big dogs were married men with children and older college students, both of which often had trading collections and work salaries superior to mine. I didn't really mind, though. It was those lazy forgotten Saturday mornings I used to be happy to roll out of bed at 8 AM just to catch one of the new Pokemon episodes.

Life was so simple back then. The word bliss comes to mind, back when things were so easy and we never had to worry about grown-up things like "bills" or "taxes". The only worry I had growing up was whether my neighbors were going to be home to play dodgeball or kick-the-can. Yes, those were the days before video games rocked my world. That kind of nostalgia is something that can perk your day right up, remembering what a young budding geek I used to be compared to the one I am now. I wouldn't trade those days for the world.

Live in the here and the now, you'll realize there are no such things as ordinary moments.

Mexx Factor: "Inglorious Basterds"

2009-08-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

Showing up late to the theater, WildCard and I were in a pickle. Silverback AZN and his buddy had already been at the theater for a little while ahead of us and were courteous to snag a couple extra tickets for use in case the theater sold out. Thinking quick and not wanted to risk an unforseen complication with leaving the tickets to the mercy of any clerk at the desk, we recovered our stubs cleverly hidden away in the bed of Silverback's truck.

Even as we located our friends the anticipation in the air was palpable. We sat down a few previews before the movie began and the pre-credits were rolling. Immediately I fell in love. In classic Tarantino/Rodriquez fashion, the music and pre-credits began in a manner similar to the way a movie may have back in the 1950's. Which was appropriate, considering that was the era the story was set in.

I'm not big on spoiling movies so I'll attempt to review in a non-intrusive approach. Through the entire two and a half hour movie (it was LONG) I was never really sure what kind of genre of movie I was watching: Drama... love... action... I couldn't really decide. Each actor that participated in a dialogue-heavy scene did so in a way that no matter what was being said or done, something important was going on. I also fell pretty deep into the acting as well, as I'm greatly fascinated by foreign cultures, languages and accents - each of which were present in just about every shot. The actors chosen had a knack for presenting their characters in a way I found somewhat mesmerizing as their voices not only served to compliment whatever region their character was from, but even in the quality of their tone. Each line was delivered in a fashion you'd expect from a radio advertisement, both poised and deliberate.

The characters were hilarious. Though there were a few scenes involving the deaths of a few of the more developed protagonists, the storyline chugged right on to the next gag or one-liner. This is that one bi-polar phenomenon in the writing I consider unique to Tarantino movies. He's not afraid to kill off a character he just made you love, but this is only to protect the overall tone or message of the movie that he's trying to deliver. Inglorious Basterds played strings of the audience's emotions all the way to the climactic crescendo that brought about the applause of the entire theater, myself included. Which is a miracle in itself, as this sort of happening typically annoys me. I mean seriously, its not a live performance of anything. Nonetheless I had no other way of expressing my satisfaction with the ending.

A great satirical take on how WWII might have unfolded in a parallel universe, Inglorious Basterds is yet another movie that holds true to the very qualities of those it came from.

Raw and unapologetic entertainment.

Areeva-derchee.

All in a day's work.

2009-08-19T20:04:00.001-07:00

My tank top is drenched and my arms are slick with sweat.

Each box in my hands is a blur as I try my best to read each label and scan the barcode with sweat beading up in my eyes. Today's a 37 grand day, which means the hub is handling 37 thousand packages that need to reach their destinations intact. That of course is the tricky part, considering. It makes me think about peak season sometimes, when its practically a cardboard holocaust around the place with shreds of paper and holiday package contents up to my ass in just about every trailer. Today started off well though, thanks to Danimal.

Let me tell you a little bit about one of my full-time supervisors.

Standing roughly five-foot five, Dan has been in the business for quite some time. He wears glasses and bears an uncanny resemblance to the comedian/actor Kevin James but is more of the stocky build and not as heavy. Back when I first started at PD-6, which is the belt next-door to the one I currently work on, Dan was the full-time supervisor and he ruled the east wing of the hub with an iron fist. It wasn't uncommon to hear him coming from wherever you were long before you actually saw the guy. Yes, he's a fan of yelling. Yes, I'm convinced he was a drill sargeant in a past life. No, a single living human being could not have any more respect than the amount I exclusively reserve for that man.

Yeah Dan, I'm talking about you. (No homo.)

Anyway, in classic Dan fashion he rushes our trailer from atop the catwalk and leans over the railing.

"How bout you guys quit dickin' around?" He yells. "You bunch of Facebook princesses. Why don't you assholes just go home and play FARMVILLE?!"

... and that's Dan in a good mood. But we don't break stride. We're used to this kind of motivation because that's all it really is: motivation. I don't like to show up and give anything less than 100% when its crunch time and our belt is being assaulted. This is when Dan decides to fill us in on the situation and make a managerial call.

"Ninety-six is FUCKED. Get over there and show them how its done!"

Dan's complexion is its typical beet-red and he's sweating profusely, which is exactly what I like to see. A true leader does so from the front and isn't worried about getting right into the shit to get his hands dirty. Nick, who's my other buddy I load with from time to time, and me pause for a moment and exchanges looks.

"WE'RE FUCKING ON IT," I reply.

Instantly Nick and I are rushing towards the disaster zone a few loading bays down, trying to be the first one there. Nick hops down onto the floor, but I stay on the gratings and dodge my way over rollers and under the slides in a short cut. Seconds later I arrive to the trailer a heartbeat before Nick and tell the loaders who were previously occupying the trailer that Nick and myself were taking over. They happily oblige.

The rest of the first half, which is about the first hour and a half before break, went pretty smoothly. Nick and I ended up cleaning up the trailer on 96 with Pooch scanning up the packages. A few funny moments were when Nick and I were mysteriously and suddenly overcome with the compunction to belt out "Amish Paradise" by Weird Al Yankovic, and whenever we felt the need to annoy Pooch if he was falling behind by yelling his name simultaneously and at random intervals at the top of our lungs.

Overall I'm pretty satisfied with today. Getting my big toe run over by the rollers kinda sucked (I hate you Adam), but the free McFlurry was a nice way to wrap up the night. After I clocked out I was overcome with pregger cravings for ice cream, so naturally I hit up the McDonald's on my home and found out mid-transaction, and much to my delight, their credit card system took a dump. God bless the manager woman on staff, I can't remember her name, but it was at the MickeyD's on Six and Haggerty. She apologized for the inconvenience and just tossed me the treat for my troubles.

I realized a little while ago I was falling a bit behind on this here bloggin', so I figured I'd share my day with you guys.

'Till next time.

"Its just business."

2009-08-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

Personally I think that phrase is bullshit. Nothing is ever "just" business. Nowadays either you screw someone over and get paid or you screw someone over and get paid, then caught, then apologize for screwing them over for getting paid, then get paid to apologize for getting paid to screw someone over. If that sounds stupid, I'm right there with ya.

My academic major is Business Administration for a few reasons. First, I love people. I love talking with them, learning from them, being around them... everything. I feel like the secrets of life can only be unfolded if you put yourself in those awkward little moments that yank you out of your comfort zone and show you something about yourself you didn't even know was there. Second, and much like the medical field, the field of business is always changing. I get a little stir-crazy myself, what with having lived in Michigan for all my life, and every now and then I get the compulsion to do something random or new, or both, just to reach a new routine then do it all over again. They say variety is the spice of life and well... I am Mexican.

The thing about succeeding in business, in my opinion, are that the proverbial gloves are off. Either you keep up with current events and trends, or you fall behind and perish among heaps of Beta-tapes and video game cartridges. The industry is always moving and, with a little luck, anyone can make a name for themselves with the right contacts. Thing is, I'm not looking to make a name for myself, at least in the glitz and glamour sense. I get more satisfaction with working with others to acheive something neither one of us could have accomplished alone. With this reason, I see myself more in a management position somewhere down the line. I would love to start my own company or another organization, but overall I feel like working for the greater good is a worthy calling.

Non-profits are cool too. I've been doing alot of research on how to start one and, with the additional insight from working with Gamers Outreach, I'm fairly confident a college-domained organization of the sort couldn't be that far off in the distance. That of course in the works... but I'll provide more details as they come.

UPDATE:
This thurdsay I've been presented with the opportunity to pitch the ideas behind our newest gaming event in development - Noize. I guess I'll be sitting down with a cool administrator from Schoolcraft to fill him in on the details and vision behind the event so we can get the ball rolling on the whole thing.

Cross your fingers!

Love, Lust and the 21st Century

2009-08-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

There is so much I want to say on this topic but I just don't know where to start. I guess I could list a few basic principles like honesty and integrity... but I'm not looking to sound preachy either. Simply put, I want to get my outlook on intimacy out there and hope I'm not the only person it makes sense to.

To me... its all about connection. Look at it even in metaphysical terms, the concept of matter. As far as we consider it matter is the basis for our perception of existence. We've even come so far in our "enlightenment" as humanity to refine its scientific definition as something that doesn't necessarily need to be perceived by any of our five senses, so long as an instrument is present to aid in its measurement. Matter is, at an atomic level, merely different quantities of energy vibrating at varying levels of frequency. The sun... a door... my vital organs... really no different from one another when you realize they differ only in frequency of energy but are just that. Energy.

Now considering this, the truth is fairly simple: there is no "in here" or "out there" to a person. We are all bound by the same infinitesimal specs of existence from here to the ends of the universe and back. Its this connection so many people are either oblivious to or take for granted. One way or another we are experiencing different facets of intimacy whether we like it or not. Whether its a polite smile to a crossing pedestrian or a stab of anger towards the guy on his cell phone who just cut you off. We are all connected. We are all well-meaning animals wandering this Earth in search of a purpose.

Its astounding to me, really. How close we are, yet the Blackberry and facebook distances we maintain between ourselves. We've become so reliant on convenient technologies to commune that its become second nature. But that, I suppose, is next to the point. My perceptions of intimacy revolve around my needs of freedom among other reasons.

At this point I just don't personally believe I'm in a stage of my life where I would be able to fully contribute to a meaningful and committed relationship. My schedule already requires my attention to be able to switch on a dime between projects, school and work. How I'd be able to toss a relationship in the mix is beyond me. And besides my standard obligations I'm focusing a little more internally before I feel I'd be ready to be with someone. I just feel like I need to take my time in figuring out who I really am and working on me before I can worry about finding completion in another. I mean I'm only 21, settling down in my prime isn't an option and frankly I don't see the point in dating around. Its a waste of time and energy for both parties.

The way I see it, at this stage of my life I need to find my path towards becoming the person I need to be to do what I am here to do. In finding that path I feel like I need to get all of these stag urges out of my system now before its too late. "Being a player" has nothing to do with it. The only games I play are when I have a controller in my hands. Right from the beginning, I make it a point to be immediately clear and adult about what I'm looking for: no commitments, no strings-attached, no emotions. Just pure safe and responsible fun. Communication to me is highly important in helping make anything work. If at any point I or the other person might lose focus and begin to develop any attachments, we stop and get it out into the open to figure out what's going on together. If things are difficult to sort out, than maybe a break is in order. If not... we move on as long as conditions are favorable for things to continue.

I never attempt more than one affair at a time. This is inherently foolish and even greedy to me. What's the point? I don't kiss and tell - a lesson I learned early on in life. I never turn around and brag to friends about any hookups. What kind of person really craves that sort of approval? I don't identify myself with how many women I've slept with, therefore I would never hope for anyone to do so either. As a man in search of an understanding in intimacy and being close with someone else, so long as I approach matters responsibly and respect those I'm involved with - there is little to worry about beyond living in the moment and enjoying the simplicities of life.

Though these philosophies may work for me, I often am reminded as to why I have them whenever placed in a setting to observe others around me. Parties, clubs, bars... its pretty much the same scene every I go. Boys running around, scrambling over each other, all competing for that one special leg to hump like a stray dog in heat. I have little patience for those who feel the need to "c-block" others whenever they can. Its just disgraceful and regressive towards finding personal balance. I mean Its fine to set out and seek companionship in another, albeit however brief it may be, but when you get some sort of satisfaction out of denying that connection for someone else it only punctuates the bitterness and immaturity required to do so. Sex is not the enemy, gratuitous and unrestrained indulgence without regard is.

Be safe. Be real. Be honorable. Principles do not need to be complicated, they must only be constant and unfaltering.

Have fun out there. ;)

Leadership Retreat | Mark Wahlberg

2009-08-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

The world came into focus around me to the sound of Chopin emanating from somewhere in the room. I roll over and examine the clock with dry, scratchy eyes: 6:58 AM. I remember setting the alarm last night but didn't realize the station had been preset to some classical channel. Not that I'm complaining, it just made my wake-up a little surreal.

Steve is a dark mass on his bed snoring peacefully. I think about the trip so far and I get this odd warmth in my stomach. Steve has taken to the entire experience in impressively and I couldn't focus on anything else but how proud of him I was. As each of the officers and members of the club stepped up in their own individual ways, I hate that I couldn't have brought everyone else along. But I'll try to illustrate the weekend as I perceived it...

We ate breakfast promptly at 7:something in the morning. Everyone was still waking up but otherwise buzzing in excitement for the day when Steven and I eventually rolled out of bed to join them for breakfast in the cafeteria. I knew a majority of everyone who came, but there was a nice group of them I hadn't met before the retreat. A good portion of them from Phi Theta Kappa and SAB, but we all had a nice chance to get acquainted as we rode in the [party] bus instead of the van on our way to the Kettenan Center.

The Kettenan Center is this camp-grounds type facility that specializes in leadership and team-building seminars for different schools and organizations from around the state. The facility is built on a hill facing a huge lake complete with pontoon dock where they even had kaiyaks and such equipment available for use. The place was awesome.

Back to the cafeteria, each meal was served in a buffet-style format three times a day. At the beginning of the trip everyone received a goodie bag each with some school supplies, supplemental documents on leadership / office protocols, and an agenda of every activity planned for the weekend. I was pumped. Each activity involved getting to know everyone on the trip and their roles in the Student Activities office. This provided a great opportunity to build trust and friendship between those of us who were otherwise strangers to each other, without the Sesame Street cheesiness.

Highlights of the weekend include:
-Andrew sitting up in the bus and snorting "MARK WAHLBERG", before collapsing back to sleep. This then became the phrase of the day and was shouted throughout the weekend at various intervals.
-Whenever someone mentioned da Boss Al-*does the flippy finger thing*-Hussan
-Tossing a frisbee at Brian's willing face for the sake of a photograph (Figure 1)---->
-Saturday's all nighter...
-Swallowing my tongue ring
-... then walking into Sunday's 8 AM conference still drunk

Usually when writing about circumstances I like to be to the point and done with it. But in the case of this past weekend this proves difficult because the whole trip itself was amazing. I don't want to cheapen the experience with words, but I do wanna say how excited I am to see what happens this semester. Not just with those left in charge of Project Playhem, but all of the other organizations in the office as well.

To another school year of fun, friends, and homework!

Cheers.

Leadership Retreat, T-minus Six Hours

2009-08-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

Thaaat's right. We're wrapping up this summer on a high note.

Today my colleagues of the Student Activities office and I will embark on a journey of enrichment and inebriated stupor. More details will follow to chronicle this weekend as we take a closer look at a leader and what one must do to handle the responsibilities the role entails.

Cheerio.

Mexx Factor: Major League Gaming

2009-08-07T03:34:00.000-07:00

Here we go. *takes a deep breath*

There's alot about professional gaming that I like. It helps rope the whole gaming culture that much closer to the mainstream as a legitimate spectating sport. It provides a more modern perspective, in my opinion, to who gamers really are today and the widely diverse population it consists of. Professional gaming even places unwitting role models into their positions of fame and encourages to their fans that, if they apply themselves and work hard enough, they can acheive their dreams too.

Sadly, this is where my admiration discovers its limits.

Something got lost in translation there. Its great to inspire others to reach their potential in pushing their limits of skill through dedication and other wholesome virtues, but not when this involves seducing millions of hapless gamers into blind loyalty of a company that merely wishes to profit off of their hopes and dreams to achieve stardom. I'll say it out loud here:

"Off the cuff" donation programs do not make you a philanthropist. They do not make you socially responsible as a company. They make you look like the capitalist corporation you are that treats any difference of an opinion within its community as nothing less than an act of mutiny. This "chairman" guy Mike Sepso goes on to address the concerns expressed by a "small part" of his die-hard community with a dismissive wave of his hand, essentially instructing them to "deal with it, its just business".

It's this sort of arrogance that truly punctuates MLG's demeanor in my book.

Tell your audience how to think and what to feel and they will turn on you. Apparently this was the case, a considerable amount of gamers voicing their personal opinions, that brought about the stomping feet and wrath of big daddy Sepso to keep his minions in line.

According to Sepso, so long as the majority of your cash cows agree with you... to hell with diplomacy. Everyone else can screw themselves.

Back to the whole "MLG Gives Back" thing... I view this as little more than a diversion attempt. A weak facade. Another case-in-point example of a business entity looking to "seem", rather than truly be. If anything, I almost feel insulted. Honestly, if I were a convicted arsonist of forests, would you think any better of me if I ran for president of Green Peace and toured the country on a tree-planting campaign? Probably not. It would make me just as much of a hypocrite.

Having already attended an event - their last stop in Columbus - I feel my first-hand experience might offer me a little credibility to my opinions. Their set-up was great. The broadcast - nearly flawless. But the glitz and glamour lasted about as long as the Dr. Pepper caffeine high did, with a crash just as nauseating. You see, in this life there are few things that dent my composure more than ego and hubris. The way I see it, we're all creatures on this twirling rock we call Earth trying to get along with each other to find a purpose for our existences.

I am no better than anyone else reading this blog. The same as you will never be less.

But when you surround me with a crowd of underage narcissists that react indignantly upon learning my lacking awareness of their reputation... I'll admit. It can get annoying.

I think a perfect example would have to be that sunday, the last day of the event in Columbus. Frustrated with our overall experience of the trip up to that point, my buddy WildCard and I decided to seize the carp and make the best things. Teaming up with our new friends Nazzer and Presid3nt we decided to acquire a hotel suite (courtesy of Presid3nt's sweet talking and hotel industry know-how) through the raised funds of generous investors and various acquaintances. One hundred thirty-three dollars and four 30-pack cases of Keystone Light later, we had our party.

Things were going pretty good right off the bat. We had beer pong set up and an iPod dock radio cranking some tunes. But maybe forty-five minutes into the gala event, a few guys arrived that set off my alpha-male instincts immediately. A couple of them looked familiar, but I didn't think anything of it. The small group of them found a nice corner of the room to wallflower on and a minute goes by. Then 5 minutes... then 10.I shrug, not unfamiliar with rudeness, and decide to introduce myself. There were maybe six of them, two of which I assumed were groupies or as indicated by their strange disregard to the personal bubbles of the guys they were hanging all over.

Immediately I sensed a self-imposed air of importance among a few of them, causing my nose to flare and my eyes to narrow involuntarily. Introducing myself politely, I begin shaking hands and welcomed them to our shindig. The first one turns to me and, looking down his nose, informed me that I was speaking to “Fear”.

A pro gamer. Nice.

Blinking in reply, my eyes maintain contact with his.

“Fear” repeats himself, his voice a little shaky and less confident this time.“Is that what it says on your birth certificate?” I ask, one of the groupies and a couple of his buddies smile in appreciation of the playful banter.

I shake his hand assertively, “I’m not a fanboy man, relax.” I say with a smile. Each person following then introduced themselves as just that… a person. I made it pretty clear then on that the occasion was that of the laid-back and social variety, not tolerating anything more and encouraging egos to be checked at the door.

Essentially I feel like buying into the whole fame-and-fortune propaganda would ultimately put me at a disadvantage, considering what I do. I am no different than any one of these guys – exception being: I work for my living while they play for theirs. Among the handful of pro gamers I do respect include Ben Jackson a.k.a. Karma, for whose humility and personality I feel truly encapsulates the attitude I admire in a competitor of any sport.

Now, I love gaming (and I dare anyone to challenge this fact) but I refuse to view the opportunities that Major League Gaming offers, or any other league currently in business for that matter, as anything more than a means to an end. Professional gaming may provide a source of income to the successful, but what about the unsuccessful? What about the legions simply chasing the dream? These forgotten gamers claw their way up the ranks, based off of a point system that is designed to keep them right where they are, all the while emptying their hearts and bank accounts, in the absence of a sponsor, in pursuit of happiness.

A business should NEVER be based off of a foundation of pompous things like image and fame, fueled by advertising dollars and thorough market research.

Which reminds me.
Now I don't know about anyone else, but I felt a little stereotyped when I took note of a few of their major sponsors: Tinactin anti-fungus spray, Old Spice deodorant, Bic razors, Stride gum...

Now I don't know about you, but I happen to have grown accustomed as a gamer to my bad breath, reeking armpits, itchy feet, and poorly maintained facial hair.

I dunno.. I just feel like passion and false hopes are nothing a socially responsible company should bring their profits out of.

I’m open to all viewpoints and personal beliefs, but those are just a few thoughts...

WTF

2009-08-06T04:32:00.001-07:00

I remember the dream starting out as a nightmare. I start crawling out of a portal suspended in the air. I’m my old catholic church my family used to go to when I was younger, but something is wrong. My feet touch the floor and I am closer to the left of the church, favoring the side aisle. Everyone is wearing some sort of masquerade façade and chanting something in unison. Its not English. I realize immediately I’m witnessing a Black Mass. In the dream I remember praying upon making this realization “… though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” The church is dark around me, almost in sepia tones. The dream decided to spawn me facing the rest of the church at the front of the altar, so I begin to make my way down the side aisle to the back. As I’m walking I become aware of people walking with me. Not really following me, but we are all heading to the same destination. There’s a woman to my right and I know she is my spouse. Its that weird sort of dream knowing when you’ve never learned the information but just sort of operate upon it. I’m wearing some sort of garb, greek in nature complete with sandals and that wreath thingy on my head. My soul mate next to me walks with her head down. She has already given up to the ritual. This angers me.

We almost reach the back of the church when a service person approaches us with a long porcelain doll. The eyes of the doll are empty sockets and it is dressed in awkward funeral attire. She hands the doll to her and it becomes a child, confused and seeming almost inconvenienced as to have entered this nightmare the same means I did. The baby isn’t wearing the ventriloquist suit but is now instead in a swaddling bundle as it lays in my wife’s arms.

I am angry again. This desecration taking place should not be, in my nightmares or otherwise. Not this memory. Not here in a place that I remember fondly of child hood. The pews are filled with these dark attendants and they are slowly changing in front of my eyes. I start to approach the middle aisle of the church from the rear. By the time I get there, things are different. The attendees are no longer the masquerade Satanists they were a moment ago but, instead, villagers of the local town. Now I say villagers because of their choice of clothing: reminiscent of a foreign village but not of old fashioned times. The church has melted out of its sepia tones and rays of sunlight are now pouring through the windows. Everyone is happy. This is a celebration of some sort, and I’ll be damned if I’m one to crash a party. Coming up towards the front through the middle aisle I rile the crowd up, still in my robes from before. The sash covering my torso is a burgundy velvet trimmed in gold. The wreath upon my head is gold too, and my sandals now bear wings upon them. I look to the front and see my father Zeus at the head of the altar. I don’t know what he’s saying, but its good news.

Everyone continues cheering for a few moments longer and the sermon ends. My fellow gods are sitting in the front pew and remain seated, talking amongst themselves jovially as the villagers begin to file out of the church. Dismissing the boring deities I decide to join the masses outside and find myself accompanied with the guy that plays the janitor in Scrubs. He’s wheeling a mop bucket along as we make our way outside. I crack a joke. He starts booming with laughter and slaps his knee in approval of my humor.

Walking out of the church I find myself atop a hill of a jungle. Its in the middle of the night and I’m with the rest of our search party on the lost island of Jurrasic Park. Things take a turn for the worst and I realize we’re being chased. No one screams, but I can tell the people in the rear of the group are getting picked off one by one, falling victim to the pack of ravenous velociraptors in pursuit. I have a beaming flashlight in my hand and decide to mislead my assailants. Running in the pitch black I hold the flashlight out to my side, still illuminating the path ahead of me but just barely. It’s too late. The raptor gaining on me isn’t fooled and replies in kind to my deception by dragging a claw across my ear as it pounces. Spinning around, I’m surprised to see the raptor isn’t of the sinewy muscled kind of reptile but instead a thin and weak creature. I fall onto it and promptly snap its neck before getting to my knees and brushing my hands off in triumph.

… back on a campus I have never been to before, the celebration continues. It seems the school grounds are arranged high atop a hill of some sort and there’s a festival going on with carnival tents and acrobats walking around. I begin to descend a set of stairs nearby and find myself struggling downward with each step. Looking down in an attempt to identify the problem, I see a sort of blue platform materializing beneath my feet every time I lift my winged sandals. Oh yeah. That’s right, I’m a god. Leaning backwards in a sort of fly-kick manner I begin floating effortlessly down the hill, zooming past the traffic of students on the walkways and people studying on picnic tables. This is where things get a little bit hazy. My last clear memory of the dream was floating up to a cute girl and asking her what her name was.

I don’t remember the last vivid dream I had and the decision to write this last one down didn’t occur to me until I was already walking across my house in my underwear to get something from the kitchen to drink. I think I’m gonna go and try to get some more sleep.

G’night.

-Antonio

You-Pee-Ess

2009-08-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

United Parcel Service started with meager beginnings. A southern boy and his bike had a dream during the early 1900's to bring convenience to the denizens of his community by providing his calorie-fueled means of locomotion to deliver parcels and packages.

Fast-forward 103 years.

"I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU SALT ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M SNAPPING MY BOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS." I playfully announce.

Smoking a cigarette, Adam flicks an ash in my direction and replies with a toothy grin. At this moment I'm standing inside the back of a trailer truck with about fifteen feet of packages arranged into various walls behind me. I shake my head and grumble to myself. Thumbing the keypad of my scanner, I take may attention away from the top of the slide where the flow of cardboard boxes originates. Even with my conveyor belt backed up all the way I have to stop what I am doing and remove the misloaded package. My record for the month is already at a hefty five misloads, which puts me at a rough 1 for 1,798 frequency.

The UPS standard is about 1 for 6,000 packages so yeah, I'm hurting.

Every so often, to keep us hourly workers on our toes, the supervisors will intentionally send a package to a trailer where it doesn't belong. For example, I usually work in the trailers that go to another hub somewhere in the midwest. Its not uncommon to pick out a Florida or a New York salt. Which means if I ever do end up misloading a package, there is surely hell to pay.

"Attention all Twilight employees, ten minutes for break. Ten minutes for break."

What a glorious announcement. Each and every hourly worker looks forward to break from the moment they get into their car to the when they arrive to the hub and clock in. My Detroit Pistons tank is soaked in sweat and water that I dumped from my bottle to keep cool. I remember back in the day when I first started working there that I used to have a professional grade Polar heart rate monitor. Every day I had to wear this elastic strap, which was the receiver, around my chest that I'd always adjust throughout the day to keep from falling off - which effectively seemed like I was wearing a bra whenever I fiddled with it when someone was else was around. Ah well. According to the gadget, which looks like a regular sports watch, I burned an average of 2000-3000 calories in a typical 5 hour day.

In conversation I often joke I get paid to work out, then later specify my job as a package loader. You ever been driving on the highway and happen to see one of those big ol' UPS trailer trucks next to you? Yeah. My job is to fill those, every square inch, top to bottom, wall to wall. We are expected, from our first day of seniority, to be able to scan and load more than 400 packages per hour. The complication here is the size and weight of the package not being factored into that average. Which means, regardless of how big, small, heavy or bulky a package is we must be able to load them securely at a rate of no less than 400 packages every hour, on the hour, steadily for the entire work shift.

And I will admit, its that sorta standard that I derive a kinda pleasure from knowing that not everyone can do my job. The pride shared among loaders is fairly evident if you ever were to find yourself wandering the corridors of the hub. We're the guys who walk chest out, weights on our heels, WITHOUT the purple (excuse me, china red) shirts. Those guys are the supervisors. Once lowly hourly workers such as us, they were seduced by UPS and traded in their union rights for a higher salary paycheck. Good supervisors are few and far in between though, in my opinion, as a majority of them have forgotten where they came from. Supervisors nowadays seem to have forgotten how crappily their supervisors used to treat them, and what it was like. Either that, or the idea remains at the forefront of their thoughts, which explains a bit too. Either way, each day amounts to an average six-hour ego battle with these guys.

Which explains my demeanor, to some degree I'd imagine. The person I am on the clock is not the person I am in the outside world. The air at work has this dusty sports mentality floating about. A worker's performance places them on that hierarchy and grants them certain privaledges to demand respect from certain individuals. The machines around the factory are loud and render a persons's usual "indoor voice" useless. This little hinderance typically forces the average volume of your every day conversation to that of your every day argument, or though it may seem.

Language and a general disregard for social norms are rampant. Nothing is sacred. No personal beliefs, lifestyles, religion, favorite color... nothing. The less people know about you the better (at least when you're first starting out). Just about every sentence is laced with such needless profanity that each day is a challenge to come up with the most offensive remark or insult for whatever hapless bastard that dares invoke your wrath.

And I love it. Every second.

The pay and hours could be better, sure. But to have such a limitless punching-bag for aggression and frustration in life as a job... this is just as good as our full benefits. You see each person on who works in my side of the wing generally know each other. I'd even be as bold to compare our understanding of each other as a brotherhood of sorts. Whenever a trailer is backed up or a conveyor belt gets bogged down, it is part of our job to do what we can to work together and remedy the situation. Needless to say this only provides more opportunity to swap abuse but honestly, I think its this that brings us together. We bleed, ache and sweat all for the sake of our names and paychecks from the company, then we go home to do it again tomorrow.

Its this kind of punishment that has taught me to practice humility in the forefront of anger and exhaustion. Discipline is earned by no meager cost.

My dirty, tiring, aching, enraging, challenging and totally exhausting job...

I love it.

Bring the Noize

2009-08-03T04:10:00.000-07:00

The most exciting thing about coordinating events would have to be the opportunity to work with some really sweet people in the business. Zach Wigal (a.k.a. Sayper), founder of Gamers Outreach Foundation, recently hosted their Summer LAN last month at a new venue in Westand called Skateland West. An unusual spot for a gaming event, sure. The prizes accumulated for raffle were stored on a table behind the counter where patrons normally rent skates and rollerblades. Nonetheless, the concerns addressed in this test LAN were networking (ugh), power, and the number of attendees the modified rink could accomodate.

Immediately, the networking had a few ideas in mind other than cooperation. A few weeks prior to the event, brilliant minds had conversed to upgrade the bandwidth and internet capabilities of the venue for GOF. They did everything they could, next to actually running the whole LAN, in preparation to try to troubleshoot as many complications as they could anticipate. But despite their best efforts, the simple concept of the weekend that needed reminding was the fact that GOF's Summer LAN doubled as a test event to see how well Skateland could support their events in the future (such as their annual Gamers for Giving).

Simply put, I have nothing but respect and admiration for the networking team on the premises for that entire weekend. Their talents and abilities served every purpose they could to restore, troubleshoot, then restore again the choppy bandwidth service that disgruntled a few select impatient attendees. The rest of the gamers were able to make the best of things and ignored the minor internet complications though. Aside from fragging it up with pro gamer Dave "Walshy" Walsh, who also serves as a member of GOF's board of directors, many attendees chose to take advantage of the unlikely opportunity and have fun with their neighboring gamers as a community on the private network.

I really do love this part about what I do. The passion and unity of gamers always seems to truly shine when it is least expected. A full scale riot was just as likely to occur, but instead a majority of the attendees barely even noticed the technical difficulty. Attendees merely decided they didn't even need online play to have a great time with everyone else. Anyway, with GOF's networking team working feverishly to correct the problems and recover, the entire weekend was awesome. Highlights include the one-thousand dollar grand prize Halo 3 tournament and live chat with Walshy via blogtv.com. Click here to view a short clip of it. (video credits go to LowTower)

I was there for a couple reasons, one of which to help out as part of the staff, but primarily to get a good configuration of what exactly this part of the gaming culture is like. Now I don't really know if I'm destined to be an "expert" of anything, but as a creature of learning I enjoy being rather knowledgable of various aspects in life. Particularly those involving people in a group and the individual consisting of it.

You see, back in June, as part of this quest for understanding, I accompanied the invitation of Zach Wigal and GOF to represent at an event over in Columbus, OH, hosted by Major League Gaming. MLG, a company headquartered in New York, took their national Pro Circuit tour and found themselves the closest they had ever come to Michigan - at the Greater Columbus Convention Center. I'll never forget the moment we stepped foot inside the venue...

Immediately, the air was charged with excitement. Electricity seemed to course through the attendees like a circuit of excitment and anticipation, eventually grounding us mesmerized between each breath. Looking around you could see faces upon lit up faces, every so often recognizing a big-name gamer signing autographs or just chilling around to greet their eager fans and friendly competitors. It was almost like a party, only everyone was a gamer and there were roughly a few thousand of us. Watching the match-ups taking place by day, hitting up the bars with my man Dave a.k.a WildCard by night... the weekend ended with a crescendo when a few friends WildCard and I had made at the event threw THE hotel party of the weekend, improptu as it was. With a little chipping in from interested investors (see: friends of friends), we raged for a good chunk of the night before getting inevitably crashed by hotel authorities.

Sadly, the MLG nightlife is one that apparently never receives much exposure - which is a shame. I guess that's what happens when you incorporate a business based off of competitive gaming, then focus instead on building said company on pompous things like image and fame. Don't get me wrong... I really like the community. But in the business sense of public relations and its social responsibilities associated... I have my own opinions. "Off the cuff" donations to non-profit charities, followed by advertising the hell out of your acts of "philanthropy", doesn't make you any less of a capitalist. It makes you a capitalist that would rather people beleive you weren't capitalizing on what happens to be the hopes and dreams of gamers.

Nonetheless, highlights include humbling a few pro gamers in beerpong and chatting it up with some of the MLG staff, who happen to awesome.

Its that thirst for knowledge and understanding, I thought to myself, as the weekend eventually came to a close. You can't embark on a journey without knowing the territory you're heading into. Would you climb the Alps in cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt? Of course not. You need to be equipped with the right tools and mindset. As part of realizing what to expect and what to avoid, I'm able to responsibly approach matters with both a real and optimistic view.

With ideas as my paint and knowledge as the canvas, I have utilized this knowledge to build a vision towards creating a truly immersive experience of the gaming kind.

I bring to you... Noize.

Take the excitement and energy of an MLG tournament, the community-inspired approach of Gamers Outreach, then the style and attitude of Project Playhem... and roll it all into one all-day event.

Yeah baby.

I'll provide more details as they come, including the awesome people looking to be *cough cough* involved and the mini-events planned, so stay tuned.

Secretary of State

2009-07-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

There's plenty of things about the human race that never cease to intrigue me. With each person's motivation as varied as the individual it is a wonder how we're able to get along at all.

Today I finally got around to renewing my license. Benefits include purchasing alcohol, registering to vote... oh, and legally operating a motor vehicle. Twenty-five bucks later I am once more authorized to get flipped off and spill coffee all over myself courtesy of a trademark Michigan pot-hole. Funny thing though, if you've ever noticed or care to check your own, driver licenses have this tendancy to expire on your birthday. Mine of which happened to have taken place back in May.

Whoops!

I'd like to plead the fifth amendment ahead of time here. Despite my pristine driving record devoid of any accidents or tickets (knock on wood) and a little incident I faced involving a white-tailed deer and its appointment with darwinism (I made an old note about it on my facebook), I'd imagine this act could perhaps be frowned upon... but hey. Its not like I was hurting or inconveniencing anyone other than myself.

So there I was, all of this running through my mind, sitting in one of those too-flimsy-to-lean-back-in chairs the state feels so compelled to fill every office of theirs with, looking around the room in people-watch mode. A few seats in front of me sat a blonde chick complete with obscure tribal tattoo below the back of her neck and those annoying Paris Hilton sunglasses that make you look like a bug. About a row over, a slightly larger man (see: obese) sucked air impatiently with his ticket stub clutched mercilessly in his fist. Glancing at my own, it read "A68". Shortly after on of the counter clerks called "Eleven!".

fml.

After weighing my options for a moment, I decided to waste the gas to retreive the book I'm reading - 'Seize the Night' by Dean Koontz. I get back. No more than twenty five minutes has passed since I first left. Listening closely my patience is rewarded with a shrill "Thirty one?", much to my disappointment. I slump in my chair, book in hand. The trip served more of a purpose of actually doing something to fill that time waiting, supplemented by the activity of having something that doesn't talk about drunk driving or the evils of teen pregnancy to read.

The time flew by rather uneventfullly until the low din of the room was peirced by the gobbly complaints of a stout, elderly woman making her way out of the place. Not exactly shouting she voiced her dissatisfaction with her service, flanked by her embarassed husband, claiming she was unfavored due to her race. The lady was white.

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the elderly man who flanked her. All the way out of the building his futile mutters of reassurance did little to stave the woman's insistance to making a scene. Once she cleared the premises I turned my attention back to my book, no longer interested in my surroundings.

I don't have too much planned today. I've got like a ninety-nine percent chance I'll be working at UPS today, then I've got a party later at my buddy Chuck's.

Toodles.

First entry, Project Playhem Gaming Society

2009-07-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

Now here's what I'm thinking. For someone who can't really keep up a journal to save his life, what hope does a blog have? Couldn't tell ya. But we'll see where this goes.

So... what's on the mind of Mexx...

I heard from a really good guy I used to work with the other day named Brian. Now for those of you who've wandered onto this blog and aren't really sure who I am or what I'm all about... don't worry. I'm still figuring that out too. But what you may not know about me are a few passions of mine such as gaming, inspiring others, and paying what lessons I've learned in life forward.

Well back to Brian...Brian and I used to work together at our student activities gaming club over in Schoolcraft College. My childhood friend Justin Slanec and I had the dream of taking our passion for gaming and finding others who shared it. Naming the club after something we had thought up back in high school as freshmen, we called it Project Playhem. This was somewhere in March of 2008, but when we went active as a student activities organization one of the first of many people we had the privaledge of meeting was Brian and another good friend of ours, Dave. Whom of which, both Brian and Dave, were enrolled in Schoocraft's prestigious culinary program where they met each other.

Well anyway, since the beginnings of Project Playhem both Brian and Dave provided their enthusiastic personalities and many talents to benefit our members, as well as the development of the club itself. With the meager beginnings of small group of gaming enthusiasts simply looking for a place to hang out, Project Playhem evolved into an ideal. Milestones include a Battle of the Rockbands tournament, where students entered for the cash prize of $300 to win the crowd over with the best performances and highest scores in Rock Band, the music and rhythm video game. Four bands entered the competition and played to the audience of about a hundred students and staff in the Student Activities Center, but not before an actual live local rock band warmed them up with a playset of original songs and a few covers from the game.

After pulling that event together and its complete success, the club drew in even more members and students looking to join the fun... not to mention the ignited drive of us who dreamed up the event in the first place. We figured if we could make that happen, what else could we do? Planning immediately was underway for our first charity gaming event.

By this time, our staff of officers running the club had grown from Justin, Dave, Brian and I to the most welcome additions of others looking to serve the club. Nyck (who actually became the new Public Relations officer at the time), Chuck, Joe, Aoun (pronounced "on"), Dan and Steve we among the new personnel to help shape the form and purpose of Project Playhem. Without everyone's cooperation, friendship, and shared enthusiasm... I'm not sure the organization would be what is today.

At the beginning of the second semester of the year Winter '09, we were unstoppable. Hosting gaming tournaments on Schoolcraft's main Livonia campus had become second nature... all the while earning its reputation and the respect of Schoolcraft administrators along the way. Eventually, the club's momentum culminated to the conception of our highly anticipated charity event effectionately named The Gauntlet.

Taking place at the LAN center Game Yard in Garden City, 11 members and officers answered the call to game for a cause: to help those in need by benefiting the Children's Miracle Network. Through raising pledges for every hour they gamed and stayed awake, all of us (yes, myself included) accepted the harrowing task of staying put and gaming for as long as we could. (A montage, assembled by Co-Founder Justin, can be viewed at their website: projectplayhem.ning.com)

Another cool thing: blogtv.com actually featured us throughout the entire event via Justin's (a.k.a. LowTower) broadcast on his profile page from the website.

Funny story: The PedoFace.Justin was actually the one who approached the administrators of the website and found himself in contact with the lead person (a woman, I can't remember her name), where she actually agreed to have a custom made banner put together by her staff to be showcased on their homepage for the entire weekend of the event.

Well. Turns out, as the arrangements were being made, she decided to drop into Justin's test broadcast where him and I were in the middle of a heated "PedoFace" contest. Neither of us realized she had arrived or was even there, much to the dismay of the rest of the attendees in our private chatroom of the feed who attempted to get our attention as well. (to illustrate the finer points of the PedoFace, imagine some creep wandering into the view of his webcam, staring at you all the while, totally expressionless, where he then slowly approaches the viewer's feed until all you see is some obscure detail of his face or eye. Yeah, that's the face of a pedophile on blogtv)

So this lady, who basically IS blogtv.com, is yelling at as via chat trying to get our attention. All the while the rest of the chatroom attendees look on, helpless. Our PedoFace-Off goes on for another few minutes when we discover, much to our horror, we had just given the person who STARTED blogtv the PedoFace. Turns out she had a few more questions regarding the banner they were whipping up then, frustrated with our obliviousness, exited the chatroom with a "fine, no banner then".

To put this potentially catastrophic circumstance to a close, we were eventually able to get a hold of the lady and, along with our profuse apologies, provide her with the information she needed to feature The Gauntlet.

So back to what happened that weekend...Between our broadcasts to entertain our viewers, many succumbed to the task and passed out at their very gaming stations. Out of the 11 of us who participated, only four (Nyck, Steve, Joe and myself) completed the challenge of gaming for 48 hours straight. (Well, maybe not straight. A few moments of sleep deprived hilarity were captured on Justin's broadcasted feed and can be viewed at www.blogtv.com/people/lowtower, along with a clip of our interview with the pro "Halo 3" gamer, Dave "Walshy" Walsh.)

Raising more then $900 in donations, a big thanks goes out to our supporters at the Game Yard (http://www.thegameyard.com/), Subway (Six-Mile and Haggerty), Noodles & Company (Six-Mile and Haggerty), Baja Fresh (Six-mile and Haggerty), On-Go Energy (http://www.ongoenergy.com/), and Lucky Wok (Middlebelt and Ford Road) for fueling our participants with in-kind donations of food and product.

... now, Project Playhem sets its sights even higher by taking on the barrier between academics and gaming, once and for all. With its new nineteen page constitution, this upcoming Fall '09 semester, the organization reinvents itself as Project Playhem Gaming Society. With the support and encouragement of Schoolcraft's Student Activities department, the torch shall be passed on to the new officers of Project Playhem. In acceptance of the duty to support our student-gamers both academically and competitively, the new administration will be responsible for tallying each member's service hours to the community as well as hosting weekly study sessions and homework help for members. I can't wait to see where the guys will take the club next. :-)

So anyway, to wrap things up - the only reason I even decided to GET one of thes blogs was to support my above-mentioned buddy Brian in his endeavor to chronicle his journeys from zero to hero in the world of pro gaming. He specializes in fightings games like Tekken and Street Fighter but underestimate him not, for I personally testify to his abilities in other titles such as Gears of War 2.Good luck to Brian, and be sure to check out his blog at baskew.blogspot.com!

How's that for a first entry,